UK Values Alliance -Dialogue 4

Last night was the last in this year’s dialogue series with the UK Values Alliance. It has been an incredibly interesting and thought-provoking series, and thank you to everyone who has taken part.

The final dialogue was an opportunity to reflect on the upcoming World Values Day and the dialogue took us to many different points of exploration.

We began the dialogue with two short framing exercises, the first to look at the image of the earth from space and spend two minutes writing all the words that came to mind. The second was to draw or describe something that we see on a frequent basis in our everyday lives that is of value to us.

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Values conversations are so valuable because they are what is truly going to connect us with what’s meaningful.
— Dialogue participant

Both these exercises produced interesting and varied responses from people, which prompted one participant to begin the dialogue with a sharing of feeling flabbergasted that two people could have such different responses to the same exercise. This lead us to explore what it actually means to feel flabbergasted, which interestingly, according to one of my favourite online sources, etymonline.com, is a word of uncertain origin. Whilst I wasn’t aware of this during the dialogue, it seems fitting, given that looking at the earth from space reminds us of amongst other things, the uncertainty that comes with living on a rock in an infinite universe!

The dialogue continued and touched on how we label, mainly focusing on male/female, feminine/masculine, and the new pronouns that the younger generation are using for people who choose to identify as non-binary which led to further questions of why do we need labels; why do Latin language prescribe gender to inanimate objects; why does ‘Mother Earth’ have to be female; why do we humanise the Earth. As with any dialogue it takes time to process the questions that arise and seem important to us. The question of why do we humanise things that aren’t ‘human’ to me seems to stem from our interrelationship with everyone and everything around us. When I look at a photo of the earth I feel a sense of connection, and therefore, I personally understand my need to relate to all that is within the world in a way that makes sense to me as a human, and also beyond being human. In the same way as I feel connected, I also feel that the Earth is our Mother. The strong feelings that arise in dialogue when listening to others can provide us with deeper understanding about our beliefs and the values that contribute to and arise from them.

The question of whether humans are ‘fundamentally flawed’ or not was raised and created some fragmentation in the dialogue. This again showed the power of perception and language to shape our actions and values. How do we perceive humanity, do we believe humans are born fundamentally good -as in some indigenous beliefs -born into original beauty, or are we created flawed? Do we acknowledge that very often the words we use are loaded, that they can create discomfort in others by their perceived or experienced meaning. This part of the dialogue again allowed us to explore the relationship between values and beliefs.

Values are energetic concepts and when we label them they collapse into something much smaller than what they are, and that’s the limitation of language.
— Dialogue participant

We talked about the need for inter-generational dialogue, recognising a frequent tension between the generations. Very often the older generation is seen to be comfortable and secure at the expense of the planet and resources: why would they want to compromise or change their comfortable lifestyles for the sake of the future of the environment or younger generations? We noted the obsession in the UK to own a home and asked why this is when in other countries renting is more common. Considering the property and rental market in the UK led us onto greed and fairness. We asked why Britain is perceived and experienced to be a fair country and where did that notion come from or begin, because we historically have not had a fair society in the past. Within this was also questions around ‘mistakes’; what is the difference between a mistake and unintended consequences; do we need to own our mistakes in order to share the learning from them; are we making assumptions about what people perceive to be a mistake; is part of our very nature to make mistakes throughout each generation in history.

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As with every dialogue we arrived at more questions and it is for each individual participant to choose the question that needs exploring further for themselves, in a way that will create meaning. This felt like perhaps the most challenging of the four dialogues, separation and fragmentation were both topics of discussion and felt at points throughout the dialogue. Could it be that by looking at a image of the world we feel there is more at stake? Our values help to give us meaning in an unknowable and uncertain world, but we need to do more than name our values, we need to share the meaning of our values to create a space where language can meet experience, and shape collective action, and it seems a powerful way to do that is to meet in dialogue.

World Values Day & Values-Based Community Dialogue Resource

World Values Day takes place on October 18th and individuals, organisations and communities are invited to take part across the globe.

There are a number of ways to take part, from sharing a value and an action that you will take to live that value, to resources that provide information on hosting workshops and dialogues.

As part of my work facilitating dialogues and as a member of the UK Values Alliance I have created a downloadable resource to support communities in hosting values-based community dialogues. 

The resource is available to download from the World Values Day website, where you will find lots of other information and resources to help to be a part of and contribute to a more values-based society and world.

UK Values Alliance Dialogue - Dialogue & The World

‘Dialogue requires the principle of participation-by creating a common mind we are able to recall ways in which we are an intimate part of the world around us.’

In this third dialogue in the UK Values Alliance series we set out to explore values and how they influence our relationship with the world around us.

We chose to frame the dialogue with consideration of five core values that participants would like to see lived out in their societies. This was followed by discussion in pairs, on the values chosen, in comparison to the below 'British Values.' These five values were set out by the government in 2011 and have been promoted and embedded in British schools since November 2014. 

Source: http://vle.newbury-college.ac.uk/mod/forum/discuss.php?d=2175

Source: http://vle.newbury-college.ac.uk/mod/forum/discuss.php?d=2175

What became immediately clear as we began the dialogue is that the framing exercises provoked quite different reactions in the participants; some reflecting that to just pick five values that one would like to see lived out was nonsensical as it cannot be limited to five alone; some stating that the 'British Values' were not values, but rather systems or processes; some finding familiarity in the British Values due to working with them in schools, and being able to relate their chosen values to the language of the British Values. These different and somewhat negative reactions showed us three things: one that the language hugely influences how we connect or are disconnected to ideas or messages, two: that without that connection we often stay stuck in a head-based, discussion, that inhibits our ability to listen and create meaning together by reaching a deeper level of understanding, and three: that it is not possible to impose values on others in a way that allows them to be felt and lived from a place of authenticity and personal truth. 

Removing the British Values from the focus of the discussion allowed us to progress to a deeper level of dialogue, whilst reflecting on the reactions and thinking that had arisen.

The realisation that it is not possible to impose values led to some discussion on how it is that we discover and form our values, and the dynamic nature of values; it being possible to acquire new values when influenced by new contexts or cultures, or to prioritise certain values over others depending on the situations we find ourselves in. One participant reflected on the distinction between operational values that drive day-to-day behaviour and idealistic values that might help him aspire to and become to the 'next best version of myself,' and asked how we could support the tension between 'who I am today and who I could be tomorrow.' The ability to see ourselves and our values as dynamic and evolving allows us to face challenging situations or people with compassion and create the space and conditions for change. 

This need for flow and the conditions to discover and connect with our values is an important point. Once values become institutionalised or collectively held, the danger is that they can become a rule that is rigidly held. Whilst we need support and guidance, we also need the space to take responsibility for our own values and how we live them. As one participant suggested, if we stay in a parent-child-like relationship to create our values then we risk the child-like reaction of rebellion. 

The question of how do we create the conditions for people to connect with their values and change was explored through the idea of community, family and leadership. If we agree that we cannot impose values then how can we come together to share values? It is only in coming together in situations like dialogue or meaningful interaction in other ways that this can be done, which requires the time and willing participation of individuals. If we are to aspire to any sense of community or societal values then it is important that those promoting them are also able to model this behaviour back.

The question of whether 'bad people' have values arose in the dialogue and it was suggested by some that it is not a case of judging people as 'good' or 'bad' but instead meeting them with understanding, empathy and compassion. When we become focused on the lack of values in others, we can also lose touch with our ability to respond from a place of our own personal values. If we want others to change we need to ask ourselves whether they are likely to do so when met with judgement and blame or with love and understanding. 

Values are in reality all defined by how you interact with other people and they way you behave in the world.

It is clear that when considering the relationship between values and the world there is a constant interplay between the internal and external, between the individual and the society in which they live. Often to live our values we have to overcome fears, develop strategies to get our needs met, raise our consciousness, remember that we are constantly evolving, extend the values we aspire to treat others with also to ourselves, and create humanised environments where we can align values with systems and processes in a meaningful way. Connecting with each other and our values can take us beyond polarisation, beyond judgement, to a place of common humanity. 

Identify what your individual values are, and then live them, and create the world that you want to see.